I'm BAAAACK and other nonsense.

So... after much soul searching and thorough and thoughtful consideration and meditation, I have come to the conclusion that I needed to come back to my blog after almost 2 years.  I just need a place to vent in cyberspace.  And for those of you who actually know me, you know that I am a cynic who finds joy in mocking the worst of all human afflictions: stupidity.  I find that most people are incredibly stupid and ignorant or completely oblivious to what is going on in the world around them.  These people need my "help" (and by help I mean tastelessly pointing out any and all stupid behaviors/thoughts/opinions). And those who agree with me need a good laugh. So, here I am.  I'm back, bitches. You're welcome.

Let's get going, shall we? 

For my first post-hiatus entry, something caught my attention on Facebook today that completely blew my mind.

This gorgeous, healthy girl is Leah Kelley. 

And guess what else, folks?

She is a PLUS SIZE model.

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. F#@%?!?!

Ok, so you are telling me that this is someone who shops at Layne Bryant? No. I don't believe any of their clothes would fit her because she wears a size 8-10. And last time I checked, Layne Bryant doesn't carry anything under a size 14. She would be swimming in their clothes! Nonsense!!!! 

And are you also telling me that this girl represents plus size women? I am pretty much 110% positive that this would make actual plus size girls feel bad about themselves.  Someone representing their size who can't even fit in plus size clothes? For real, fashion industry? Have you finally lost your last marble? (All the other marbles have been lost over the years, they were holding on to the last one by a very very thin thread, and it broke because this is so freaking absurd.) More nonsense!!!!!

The fashion industry is no stranger to creating complexes for women all around the world, and I believe that this just made it about 10 times worse. By this logic, anyone over a size 6 is "plus size."  At least with "regular sizes" (dare I even call it that) the models can fit in to the clothes made by the designer or company they are modeling for! This girl also wears "regular size clothes."  She doesn't actually FIT in to ANY plus size clothing.  Not ONE article!!!!! So why the hell is she considered plus size????? ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE NONSENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you can't tell, I am completely baffled and sickened by this. She looks better than I do in a bikini and I wear a size 4.  Some food for thought. Anyway, I think it is time for a fashion and beauty revolution.  I am sick of the fashion industry taking complete outliers and portraying them as the norm and making women feel like they aren't beautiful because they do not fit a certain mold.  And I am also sick of them trying to tell me that a size 8-10 is plus size -- but only for models? No. It isn't plus size for ANYONE. Models INCLUDED! So please, take your warped sense of size and beauty and shove it. It's time you started representing real women and not "ideal" women.  This isn't ancient Greece.  It is the 21st century. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

Let's stop this NONSENSE.  

Until next time,

ashleigh

Annoying.

So, I know I rant a lot. And I know that me ranting is probably super annoying to you (but no one is making you read my blog...), so now I am going to tell all FIVE of you what is annoying to me. (Wow... five people who read my blog.... sad. That is kinda annoying...)

So today has been one of those days where almost EVERYTHING that annoys me has happened...

-My internet is broken (and I am writing this blog post from the library at school...).  Qwest is the WORST internet provider of ALL TIME.  Seriously, I have had to reset my modem like 4 times this week alone.  Talk about obnoxious... and when the internet WAS working it was slower than dial up. Looks like I will be making a phone call to Comcast here pretty soon...

-I was actually EARLY for class this morning, and my professor sent an email telling us that she would be 30 minutes late to class... Of course this would happen to me when I am early for once... I am not a morning person, so me being early for a 10am class is a big deal.

-Portfolio assignment for senior seminar... UUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!  Ok, so we are the "guinea pigs" for this new thing the college is doing... which is making students keep track of assignments that represent college learning goals or the goals of their major... Ummm, last time I checked I was GRADUATING and this assignment is therefore POINTLESS.  I hate busywork more than anything and this is exactly what this classic BS Westminster assignment is. I have other things I would rather do with my time, like kill myself. (Dramatic, I know, but I think I would rather die than complete this... I mean, I have to go through 4 years of class assignments and pick the best ones to represent each goal AND I am getting graded for this... STUPID!)

-Allergies.  So I started sneezing up a storm and my right eye started watering RIGHT when I realized my internet was broken and that I would not be able to complete the first portion of my pointless portfolio assignment at home and therefore had to return to school to complete it (impeccable timing, allergies... you get an "A" for ANNOYING!!!!!).  But first, I had to go buy allergy medication and I took it over an hour ago but it hasn't quite kicked in yet.  AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH.

-Anticipation of SPRING BREAK.  Yes, spring break is a GREAT thing!!!! But the lack of motivation in brings students to complete their work is astonishing.  I was literally about to crawl out of my skin in one of my classes today... I could not WAIT to get out of there. 

-People who can't drive.  THEY ARE EVERYWHERE TODAY.  This definitely raises my level of annoyance with today... Let's drive with our turn signal on for 2 minutes! Vroom vroom I am a minivan and I am going to get in front of you when this street turns into one lane of traffic!!!! I drive 10 mph UNDER the speed limit!!!! (not me... other people... you should read those with a mocking tone, obviously)

I figured I haven't blogged in a while, and I was motivated to share how annoyed I have been today...

Hopefully tomorrow won't be so annoying. :) A girl can dream, right?

What's Your Sign?

So I am not one to put much store in zodiac signs and horoscopes and astrology, but I SWEAR that whoever writes stuff about my sign, Libra, stalks me...

Totally random topic?  Yes.  Today, me and my roommate Karmay were looking up our zodiac signs and seeing what those people are "supposed" to be like and we both were convinced after the 5th or 6th website that we were being stalked.  SO. WEIRD.

So here are some reasons why I am 99% convinced that I am being stalked by the zodiac writers...

(As if this list of traits, likes and dislikes alone isn't convincing enough...)

Traits:

• Loves art
• Dresses up for the occasion
• Slight perfectionist
• Charitable
• Bossy at times
• Plans ahead
• Attention to detail
• Loves public service

Likes:

• Beauty
• Gifts
• Debates
• Attention
• Intellectual conversations
• Admiration
• Credit cards
• Mingling
• Subtle colors, textures
• Haute Couture

Dislikes:

• Noise
• Confusion
• Sloppiness
• Ugliness
• Dirt
• Pressured decisions
• Being rushed
• Criticism

Ummm.... Someone call the CREEPO DEPOT.

The goal for Libra is to witness the importance of co-operation and harmony in human life.

The sign of Libra is considerably socially aware; so many Libra women take interest in, and dedicated time to the issues of human rights.

The Libra woman must take caution and be aware of her tendency to put off, or avoid, that which seems uncomfortable.

The Libra woman can find it very difficult to be alone and, can often prefer to remain within an unsatisfactory relationship rather than to be in no relationship whatsoever.

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.

Yeaaaahhh...  For those of you who know me, this is kinda weird, huh??  I think so.  One of the things I always say is "why can't we all just get along?" and I am really good at reading people's emotions, especially people really close to me...

Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual, though they are usually too moderate and well balanced to be avant garde in any artistic endeavor. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!  Freakyyyyy.  The "too moderate and well balanced to be avant-garde" thing is SO TRUE! And there is MORE!!!

The negative Libran character may show frivolity, flirtatiousness and shallowness. It can be changeable and indecisive, impatient of routine, colorlessly conventional and timid, easygoing to the point of inertia, seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least; and yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage. 

Ummm... Easy going to the point of inertia: "I don't care where we go to get dinner..."

I always say that my apathy is my biggest enemy.  

Always fashionably-dressed, she favors an eclectic look, mixing designer things with antique pieces. The final effect is smart and sexy, never dowdy.

The most persistent of all physical traits of Libra zodiac sign is the presence of dimples either on the face or on the knee of a Libran woman and man. If its on the face, then most often it's placed on the chin. (Um.... Hi... I have a dimple on my chin)

Lucky colors for the Libran are pink, green and purple. (My room in TN is pink and green.... those have been my "colors" according to my mom since I was a little girl.  And I love purple.)

Libra is most associated with balance and empathy. (One of the words I most use to describe myself is empathic.) 

Oh, and apparently health concerns for Libras: the lumbar region and kidneys.  My lower back hurts often and I had kidney problems as a child and I have had kidney infections and I can feel my kidneys working sometimes........  seriously....... 

Anyway, like I said I don't read too much into this crap... but I feel like they are describing me perfectly and it FREAKS ME OUT!!! 

I read somewhere else that Libras have so much love to give and want so badly for someone to give that love to... I just told my sister that basically verbatim two weeks ago.  True story.  And apparently the ruling planet is Venus, which is "love." Just thought I would share with the blog world what is on my mind... interesting stuff!! 

WhiteChristmas.

There is snow on the ground in Nashville on CHRISTMAS.  It started snowing at about 10pm Christmas Eve.  There is now about an inch of snow on the ground (which really isn't a lot) but it is enough to make me feel like a little girl again.  I thought that I had lost the excitement of Christmas because the past few Christmases have been missing siblings, which makes it feel less like Christmas. This year, all my sisters are home AND it is snowing!  I don't need any presents.  I am a happy girl.

When I was little, I used to pray for and wish for a white Christmas.  Even if I knew that the temperature was going to be well above freezing, I would still look out my window the second I got up Christmas morning just to make sure that it didn't magically snow and make my dreams come true.

I know this post may sound super-hokey and dumb, but I am 23 years old and I have never experienced a white Christmas and this is really exciting to me.  If only this had happened when I was 7... I would have been beside myself.  Christmas is supposed to be snowy, and it never has been for me, so this a big deal, and therefore it is something to blog about.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Negative Nancy.

So, in light of recent events, I have decided to make a Negative Nancy post because I need to vent all this negativity inside me.  And hopefully this will be cathartic and make me feel better... I will let you know at the end of my post.  So let's keep our fingers crossed.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, in no particular order, here are the things that really ruffle my feathers. (Yes, I just said ruffle my feathers. This is a judgment free zone.  Stop judging.  I mean  it.)

-Utah Drivers (Lack of turn signal use, unChrist-like merging practices, driving terribly in snow, turning left when your light is clearly RED...)

-Bratty girls (self centered princesses who think about themselves and no one else)

-Attention whores.

-Teenagers.

-Rude people (is it really necessary to be rude? If you are nice, people will receive you more warmly and not be so annoyed by the fact that you simply exist)

-Boys who lead girls on/string girls along. (if you aren't looking for anything serious, don't date ANYONE unless at the very beginning you specify what you want.  If you aren't wanting to be in a relationship/aren't in a place where you can then don't act like you are looking for one.)

-Me monsters (people who talk about themselves all the time.... ME!!! ME!!!! MEEEE!!!!!!)

-Story toppers (this goes along with me monsters... no one cares if you did something cooler than me, shut up!!!)

-People who listen to only one genre of music.

-People who say bands/artists "suck" when they just do not like that band or artist. (With the exception of Nickelback... I hate them and they suck.  For all other ones, learn to respect talent unless, of course, it is Miley Cyrus...)

-People who thrive in drama. (Yes, drama is unavoidable, especially if you are a female and have many female friends.  However, how you handle said drama speaks volumes about your character.  If you add fuel to the fire then you are also a drama queen.  My life used to be full of drama and I just sever ties with those people and stop letting them in to get to know me enough to make drama...)

-Political opinions on facebook. (Is it really worth losing friends over??)

-Closed-mindedness.  (OPEN YOUR MIND! IT WON'T HURT YOU! It will just make you less ignorant.)

-IGNORANCE. (If you don't know enough facts to validly support your opinion then shut up.  It just makes you sound unintelligent.  But then again, I guess we all have the freedom to look like idiots.)

-People who are conceited. (Self confidence is one thing and it is also sexy... being full of yourself is another... and the biggest turn off ever)

There may be some amendments added to this post later when I think of more.

But I do feel a little better.

Blogging is the best form of venting ever.

-

When it rains.

One thing I have learned in my life is that when it rains...

it POURS!

Seriously.  Whenever one pretty bad thing happens, it seems like the 

universe catches drift of that and tries to one-up the first bad thing... 

Typically, these events happen in sequence,

and they hit you like... 

WHAM

 .

     BAM!        

.

BLAAAM!!!

until you don't even realize what happened.

I like to call this little gift the domino effect.

The first event is typically one that irks you, but it isn't too terrible.

The second one is worse than the first and usually 

hits you within 12-24 hours of the first one.

Then the third one happens within 1-5 hours of the second one.

And this one is the one that REALLLLLLY sucks.

And trust me, I love getting kicked when I am down.

I have learned how to gauge when such events will unfold in my life.

They typically happen when things are going swimmingly.

(And I use this term non-sarcastically,

I mean, things are going really really well)

Things seem too good to be true... 

and that is when you know that something

BAD

is about to unfold.

In all honesty I am pretty used to it by now.

I expect bad things to happen.

I am not being a pessimist, I am just telling you like it is.

So, when life hands you lemons, I say

SCREW YOU!

Merry Christmas.

BAH HUMBUG.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Other Ugly Things.

UGLY.

CHRISTMAS.

SWEATERS.

Just curious, but WHEN was it ever socially acceptable for these abhorrent eye sores to be worn?

This particular specimen takes overkill to a whole new level.  I am currently scrolling down in my browser so my poor eyes no longer have to be offended by this monstrosity.

Honestly though... these sweaters were made in ALL SERIOUSNESS.  Which means people wore them in ALL SERIOUSNESS.  Thank goodness these wastes of wool went out of style... Now each one of these sweaters ever made can be found in thriftstores or in college students' closets... or on homeless people... or the trash (WHERE THEY BELONG! ... my personal opinion).

 

Today, these sweaters are openly mocked at tacky Christmas sweater parties all over the country. And they should be! Just like the 80's is mocked in nightclubs and frat houses... And if you want to argue with me about 80's themed dances and parties mocking the decade, you will lose.  I will save that for another blog... the point I am making here is that we mock what used to be "cool." 

wait a minute...

THESE SWEATERS USED TO BE COOL?

(Vom. It.)

I am all for laughing at tacky.  Tacky things have a place in this world as long as those responsible for the tackiness acknowledge that it is, indeed, tacky. 

 THE UGLY CONTINUES!

Here are some more pathetic specimens I have found that are tacky in the bad way (you know, the way the wearer/creator is totally clueless about how heinous their outfit is).

WHAT. IS. THIS?!?!?!

Looks like you got into a fight with a kindergartner with watercolors.

Bad news.

Kindergartner won.

 

Ugly and Tacky and Gross!

Oh my.  

There is a reason that Dorothy's slippers

were the only thing that was red and sequined

and that reason is...

OVERKILL.

 

 

Looks like you ran through a line of people holding scissors

and cups of bleach and paint and then at the finish line

in your race to see who could make the ugliest jeans

there was a little old lady with a sewing machine

who just so happened to misplace her glasses so that

her sewing was a little...well... off. 

These look like GARBAGE.

(and they belong there, too)

 

 

 

 

Ok,was it necessary to kill CHEWBACCA for his feet?

Poor Chewbacca....

 

So, all of the items listed should be burned if you own them or anything similar.  Do not donate these items.  NO ONE SHOULD WEAR THEM.  I DO NOT CARE IF THEY ARE IN NEED.  NO ONE NEEDS TO WEAR THESE THINGS FOR THE GENERAL GOOD OF THE PUBLIC.  It would be more noble to burn them than donate them, because no one should have to see these things in real life.

ChristmasTime.

I am really REALLY getting into the Christmas spirit. :)

Yes, I know my previous post is me whining about Christmas songs in November... but guess what?!?! IT IS DECEMBER! So bring on the Christmas!!!! 

I got a little tree for my house yesterday and some other cute decorations AND i put up lights ALL BY MYSELF... And I think I am going to try to find more decorations.  And I have been listening to Christmas music and I just feel happy.  It is GREAT. :)

So here is what I want for Christmas this year:

1. WORLD PEACE.
       -That's right.  Is it going to happen? No, but a girl can dream.

Contention is everywhere in this world and I hate it.  Why can't we all just get along?

2. I want my whole family together for Christmas this year!
     -AND GUESS WHAT?!?!  THEY WILL ALL BE TOGETHER THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

3. I want to volunteer at some kind of homeless shelter to feed the homeless.  Nothing would make me happier.

4. Pick someone off of an Angel Tree.  I LOVE doing that.  Maybe I will pick a baby to help...

Christmas isn't about what you get, it is about what you give to people.  That is how you really get into the Christmas spirit.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

23 days!!!!!

GivingThanks.

Since today (or should I say, yesterday) is Thanksgiving, I found it appropriate to write about the things that I am thankful for.  Yes, I am sure that we are all tired or hearing about what other people are thankful for, but I think that expressing gratitude never gets old.  So here it goes...

• I am thankful first and foremost for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and for his example and sacrifice.  Without Him, I am nothing.
• I am thankful for my family for always being there for me no matter what and being my support system.  I am thankful that they put up with every part of me (the good and the bad).
• I am thankful for my wonderful friends who I can count on for anything, be it a good laugh or a well deserved slap upside the head.
• I am thankful for living in a first world country... We take so much for granted every single day and should be grateful for every thing we have; running water, electricity, modern medicine, stable shelter, abundant food, just to name a few things...
• I am thankful for music.
• I am thankful for my health.
• I am thankful for my dogs.
• I am thankful for the wonderful opportunities I have had to travel and see a little bit more of the world and expand my horizons.
• I am thankful for being able to go to school to learn and grow.
• I am thankful for technology that makes life more convenient. (haha)
• I am thankful for every breath I take.

I feel like I truly have been blessed in this life with things that I do not necessarily deserve.  It is sad that we have to have a holiday to remind us to be thankful...  We should all find ways to find what we are thankful for each and every day.  Remembering what you have to be grateful for always puts things into perspective.

Ahhh! Christmas.

So I do not want this blog to become the place where I vent, but I really have something to say about this...

CHRISTMAS.

Is it just me, or does this holiday come earlier and earlier each year?  Oh, it isn't just me.  Ok, good... I was beginning to think that I was going crazy, but I am glad that this is not the case.

Radio stations in Utah have been playing Christmas music since November 1st.  Christmas decorations were up and taking over the Halloween section in mid-October.  I do love Christmas, don't get me wrong, but isn't this a bit... excessive?  Poor Halloween and Thanksgiving... They get upstaged by Christmas more and more each year.  

Christmas is a Christian holiday... Thanksgiving and Halloween are for everyone... I don't know what it is like for Jewish or Muslim people at this time of year, but it probably totally sucks.  Halloween is kind of a silly "holiday" (I use that term loosely) and Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday where we get to stuff our faces (because here in America we don't do that often enough...) and be with family and friends and talk about all the stuff we are thankful for. 

The point I am trying to make is that these holidays, due to their non-religious ties, deserve a little more respect because everyone gets to enjoy them.  The other point I am trying to make is that it really really really annoys me to hear Christmas music the day after I have been rocking out to Thriller.  I mean, this is a serious change in pace... "Thriller!! Thriller niiight!!!" to "O Holy Night"... or "Silent Night"...  or "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" ...

Another point... Can we, as American consumers, have a break between holidays?  Why do we need to be constantly bombarded with reminders to buy stuff because a holiday is coming up?  If you ask me, it is all there just to get us to feel obligated to buy more stuff (not that I have a problem with buying stuff...) 

Oh, and I just remembered that there was Christmas stuff up at Hobby Lobby in August. 

BARF.

So far, I have heard several Christmas songs while I have been out running various errands.  It is NOVEMBER.  If you ask me, Christmas season should begin as soon as you digest your Thanksgiving dinner... 

This may offend some people, but I honestly HATE 99% of Christmas music.  Before you judge me and assume that I hate Jesus and want the terrorists to win, I will tell you that I have been in choirs where we begin singing Christmas music before Halloween.  Also, all the Christmas music that you hear while out and about is non-religious Christmas music... and I hate nothing more than the commercialization of Christmas.  That's right.  I hate Santa, I hate Rudolph, I hate Frosty the Snowman, I hate the elves.... And I am not ashamed to admit it.  

Santa stole Christmas from Jesus.  Not cool, Santa.

The whole reason all of this upsets me is because we are missing the point.  Jesus is the reason for the season.  You may not celebrate Christmas or you might not celebrate it because of Christ's birth, but it is called CHRISTmas.  Not SANTAmas.  And why is it that we are expected to become mindless  consumers (not that we aren't already... it just reaches a whole new level this time of year) from the day after Thanksgiving to December 24th? 

I am pretty sure that Black Friday is the worst day of the year where 95% of America turns into zombies who will buy anything and will trample anyone to get the best deals on STUFF.  Is it really worth it?  People DIE on Black Friday.  For deals on THINGS.  Materialism is great, isn't it?  

And don't even get me started on the crowds.  UUUGGGGHHHH.  I can already feel the anxiety.  I hate crowded shopping malls more than anything in this world.  Crowds + Annoying music = Annoyed and anxious Ashleigh.  All of this ridiculousness over one holiday where the real reason has been completely overshadowed by something that is basically the opposite.  To this I say:

BAH HUMBUG.

I do love Christmas, just not the Christmas that is sold in stores. 

Girls and Twilight.

First, let me start this off by copy-pasting this ranting I wrote about girls about a year or so ago:

Stupid Girl Behavior and Beliefs Involving Other Girls:

I will never understand why girls have to be so mean and ugly to each other.  Does it really make you feel better to give that girl who is prettier than you a nasty look? Does it really make you feel better to say something ugly about the girl who’s outfit is cuter than yours?! Does it REALLY make you feel better to make up a rumor about a girl who checked out your boyfriend?!?!  Maybe briefly…I have been there.  But, I can also say that in the long run, it does nothing good for you, so cut it out!!! Get along!!!!!!  There will always be girls who are prettier and who have cuter outfits and who check out your boyfriend!!! Maybe a girl who is prettier and with a cuter outfit is the one who checked out your boyfriend! But so what?  There is nothing you can do about it but hope that your man is with you for the right reasons, and if he isn’t, let him go.  Who needs him anyway?  Just don’t be ugly to other girls because it really doesn’t do anything but make you look like a petty little brat.

This leads me to my next topic: Stupid Girl Behavior and Beliefs Involving Men

Again, let me preface this by saying that I, too, am totally guilty of some of these things that I am about to discuss.  And with the fact that the statement "He's just not that into you" changed my life.  I don't understand why girls waste their time on certain guys who clearly are NOT into them.  If he isn't talking to you, calling/texting you, asking you out, hanging out with you, kissing you, introducing you to his friends, asking you to be his girlfriend, or asking you to marry him then... HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!  Stop making excuses for him!!! "He is busy! He will call!" is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.  Unless he lost his phone rescuing a baby from getting run over by a run away dumpster, there should be no excuse for him.  Everyone has this incredible technological communication ability called text messaging these days, and if he doesn't even have the decency to text you that he is busy, then he probably just doesn't want to talk to you and is just not that into you!  It takes like, what, 20 seconds to text someone if you are REALLY slow at it?  If you haven't heard from him in a week, FORGET ABOUT IT! MOVE ON!!!  Save yourself the tears and the bon bon pity party... You deserve someone who treats you like gold. 

This leads me to Twilight's NEW MOON.  While watching the movie for the second time last night I decided that Stephenie Meyer has created more than just a few monsters (of looove).  Those of you not familiar with New Moon... Well, Edward LEAVES Bella.  LEAVES HER.  To "protect" Bella from being eaten by Jasper, Edward's psuedo vampire brother with previous human bloodsucking tendencies and a lack of  strong vegetarian vampire self-control.  If a guy breaks up with you and leaves, common sense SHOULD say "He's just not that into you."  In the oh so real world of Twilight, that means he is just so in love with you that he sacrifices his own feelings to protect you.  What. Ever.  Don't make me laugh.  So somewhere in America right now, a girl is getting dumped, and is probably delusional enough to think that this boy loves her so much that he is doing it to protect her from some unknown evil and that he will return to her if she becomes a crazy adrenaline junkie and jumps off of cliffs so she can "see him."  Thank you, Stephenie.  This just looks like a lawsuit waiting to happen.  Twihards already read way too much into these books and movies as it is, and your target audience is super impressionable, so way to be!! Not.  

Let's get real, people.  Movies are not actuality.  If he breaks up with you, he's just not that into you.  And, to be honest, it is his loss.  Just hold out for the man who can't get enough of you and treats you like you are the best thing that has ever happened to him and never settle for anything less, because he is just that into you.  (Well, this is my plan...)

California Hurls.

So everyone knows that really catchy, super annoying Katy Perry song "California Gurls," right? If not, you have been living under a rock or just don't get out much because it is basically inescapable. And awful.  Disagree? Don't care. This is my blog. Stop reading it then. 

Anyway... I want to take this time to dissect this song... wait, did I say dissect?  I meant RIP IT APART. It has been playing on the radio far too long and far too often, and quite frankly, I am far too over it.  I think I was over it within the first minute of the song the first time I heard it.  Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg are rolling in the dough on this "hit single" and the amount of airtime it gets on the radio is basically absurd.  I don't think any other song has been played so much...

Here goes my "favorite" parts of the song, along with my commentary...

I know a place where the grass is really greener (what kind of grass are we talking about, here?)
Warm, wet and wild
There must be something in the water
(Believe you me, there is something in the water and Katy has been drinking WAY too much of it)

The pre-chorus is ridiculous too...
You can travel the world
But nothing comes close to the golden coast
(Man, I just LOVE California elitism. Don't you?  Apparently it is THE ONLY place to live.  In my opinion, California elitism is even worse than America elitism... you know, the opinion that America is the only place to live and is better than everywhere else and because you live there you are better than everyone else? Yes, California has great weather and lots of rich people, but aren't you BANKRUPT?!)
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
(We will see about that)

The chorus:
California girls we're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes, Bikinis on top (Last time I checked, Daisy Duke was from the SOUTH, and is there now a dress code for California girls?)
Sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll melt your popsicle (Ok, lame. Not everyone in California is tan, either, or hot... There are ugly people everywhere. Hate to burst your bubble.)
Oh oh oh ...  (Ran out of clever lyrics?)
California girls we're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce we got it on lock (What do you have on lock? The rights to looking like hussies 24-7 in your daisy dukes and bikini tops? That's fine by me...)
West coast represent, now put your hands up
Oh oh oh... (Ran out of lyrics again? Man, twice in one song! This is not going well!!)

Sex on the beach
We get sand in our stilettos (that is not the only place you will have sand...)
We freak in my jeep (Who says "freak" in that context anymore?? The 90's called... They want their term back...)
Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo (I have nothing to say about this except that Snoop Dogg sold out big time to be featured in a KATY PERRY song.)

To prevent further damage to my IQ I will stop.  This just gives you a taste of how stupid this song is.  Every teeny-bopper girl and gay boy in America (at least) LOVES this song... STILL!  Why? If you aren't from California you should be offended and rightfully so! It is basically saying that girls from California are hotter, more fun, and cooler (and better) than you just because they are from California.  Well I say BULL! The state you are from/live in does not make you better than anyone else. You may prefer it over other places, but it isn't better. 

Just when I thought that California elitism/worship was on the downfall, this song surfaces and makes me cringe.  The store Hollister's California worship annoyed me to no end.  The song "California" made me want to slap someone.  The show "The OC" glorified Southern California to absurdity.  The shows "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills" made California look like a glamorous cake walk full of unimportant drama and lots of shopping and rich people whose greatest trials consist of figuring out which plastic surgeon to go to.  Thank you, Katy Perry, for adding to this fantastic illusion that is California.

Hate to break it to you, but California is not that great.  Go to Compton, or google it (I recommend googling it so you don't die), and you might change your mind. 

This is not me hating on California.  It is a beautiful place.  My mom grew up there and I have family there.  I have been there many times and I love it.  I just am sick of people making it seem like it is the best and only place to live...

Twenty-something.

So for those of you who aren't aware (and shame on you!!), my birthday was yesterday.  I am 23.  Twenty-three.  Twenty-who-is-even-keeping-count-anymore? Twenty-something.  I am officially a "twenty-something." You know, that age group of people caught in that awkward stage of "I am an adult but no one takes me seriously yet."  I feel like when I was younger, people in their 20's were older and more mature, and I honestly feel like I might have missed the boat somewhere because I feel like I am nowhere close to being mature.  That could be due to my inappropriate sense of humor or blatant dislike of conventional things, or the fact that I am scared to be a grown-up and count on myself for financial stability (or lack there of), or the fact that I am sometimes treated like I know nothing about anything.

But back to the part about being an adult and no one taking me seriously yet... Why is that? Yes, I know that 23 is not old, but when I was 18 I thought that maybe the world would start to take notice that I can legally make decisions for myself, but that was not the case.  Then, when I turned 20 I thought this is the age that people start to take you seriously, but that was also not the case on account of I had an employer talk to me like I was 5 for an entire summer.  Turning 21 and 22, no difference.  I am on day one of being 23, and I can't really tell you if there has been a change, but I know that there isn't a magical age where people one day will begin to look at you like an adult.

My theory is that no one takes twenty-somethings seriously.  For some reason, college age people and older are treated about the same way high school students are treated.  Maybe the entertainment corporations have made us all seem like a bunch of indecisive and irresponsible drunks who are lovesick or neurotic and are still trying to "find themselves" or "find their place in this world," and because we don't really know yet, we cannot be fully accepted into the adult world.  Maybe the magic age is 25... And when those of us "twenty-somethings" under 25 have to specify our age, we are in the 18-24 category... still grouped with teenagers.  Maybe in two years, I will be taken seriously.  Until then... well, I guess I am just going to have to brace myself for disappointment when another "real adult" speaks to me like I am a toddler.  Can't wait.

Me.

Well, for those of you who might not know who I am (which might be kind of weird if you are reading my blog...), I will have you know first and foremost I am a sassy southern girl.  I am opinionated at times, but I have enough class to keep them (read: some of them) to myself. But when the occasion arises, for example, like now that I have a blog, I will state those opinions.  I have many random thoughts (creative, creepy, humorous, insightful, etc) and I love writing so here is my venue to do so.  Watch out blog world... (Just kidding)

Random Facts about Ashleigh (Me):
-I LOVE CUPCAKES.
-I love music.
-I love shopping.
-I love the arts.
-I love my friends and family (if you cross them, I will cut you)
-I love Jesus Christ, my savior and redeemer.
-I love reading books in one sitting when I have the time.
-I love fashion.
-My favorite color is pink.
-I am a psychology major and I want to be a marriage and family therapist.
...Wow this suddenly got boring.  Like, I got bored writing about me... Let's see... what else is there?
I don't want to chase people away by talking about myself too much, but this is my blog.  This might be a bad sign... So this blog is going to be for my random thoughts and funny encounters that I frequently have in life.  Some people just don't want to hear what you think about something, but I like getting things out of my head.  I think I am going to post some of my old rantings that I have on my computer so that other people can read/enjoy them... I find them funny, but then again, I think I am hilarious. And we can agree to disagree on that.