I'm BAAAACK and other nonsense.

So... after much soul searching and thorough and thoughtful consideration and meditation, I have come to the conclusion that I needed to come back to my blog after almost 2 years.  I just need a place to vent in cyberspace.  And for those of you who actually know me, you know that I am a cynic who finds joy in mocking the worst of all human afflictions: stupidity.  I find that most people are incredibly stupid and ignorant or completely oblivious to what is going on in the world around them.  These people need my "help" (and by help I mean tastelessly pointing out any and all stupid behaviors/thoughts/opinions). And those who agree with me need a good laugh. So, here I am.  I'm back, bitches. You're welcome.

Let's get going, shall we? 

For my first post-hiatus entry, something caught my attention on Facebook today that completely blew my mind.

This gorgeous, healthy girl is Leah Kelley. 

And guess what else, folks?

She is a PLUS SIZE model.

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. F#@%?!?!

Ok, so you are telling me that this is someone who shops at Layne Bryant? No. I don't believe any of their clothes would fit her because she wears a size 8-10. And last time I checked, Layne Bryant doesn't carry anything under a size 14. She would be swimming in their clothes! Nonsense!!!! 

And are you also telling me that this girl represents plus size women? I am pretty much 110% positive that this would make actual plus size girls feel bad about themselves.  Someone representing their size who can't even fit in plus size clothes? For real, fashion industry? Have you finally lost your last marble? (All the other marbles have been lost over the years, they were holding on to the last one by a very very thin thread, and it broke because this is so freaking absurd.) More nonsense!!!!!

The fashion industry is no stranger to creating complexes for women all around the world, and I believe that this just made it about 10 times worse. By this logic, anyone over a size 6 is "plus size."  At least with "regular sizes" (dare I even call it that) the models can fit in to the clothes made by the designer or company they are modeling for! This girl also wears "regular size clothes."  She doesn't actually FIT in to ANY plus size clothing.  Not ONE article!!!!! So why the hell is she considered plus size????? ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE NONSENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you can't tell, I am completely baffled and sickened by this. She looks better than I do in a bikini and I wear a size 4.  Some food for thought. Anyway, I think it is time for a fashion and beauty revolution.  I am sick of the fashion industry taking complete outliers and portraying them as the norm and making women feel like they aren't beautiful because they do not fit a certain mold.  And I am also sick of them trying to tell me that a size 8-10 is plus size -- but only for models? No. It isn't plus size for ANYONE. Models INCLUDED! So please, take your warped sense of size and beauty and shove it. It's time you started representing real women and not "ideal" women.  This isn't ancient Greece.  It is the 21st century. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

Let's stop this NONSENSE.  

Until next time,

ashleigh

Annoying.

So, I know I rant a lot. And I know that me ranting is probably super annoying to you (but no one is making you read my blog...), so now I am going to tell all FIVE of you what is annoying to me. (Wow... five people who read my blog.... sad. That is kinda annoying...)

So today has been one of those days where almost EVERYTHING that annoys me has happened...

-My internet is broken (and I am writing this blog post from the library at school...).  Qwest is the WORST internet provider of ALL TIME.  Seriously, I have had to reset my modem like 4 times this week alone.  Talk about obnoxious... and when the internet WAS working it was slower than dial up. Looks like I will be making a phone call to Comcast here pretty soon...

-I was actually EARLY for class this morning, and my professor sent an email telling us that she would be 30 minutes late to class... Of course this would happen to me when I am early for once... I am not a morning person, so me being early for a 10am class is a big deal.

-Portfolio assignment for senior seminar... UUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!  Ok, so we are the "guinea pigs" for this new thing the college is doing... which is making students keep track of assignments that represent college learning goals or the goals of their major... Ummm, last time I checked I was GRADUATING and this assignment is therefore POINTLESS.  I hate busywork more than anything and this is exactly what this classic BS Westminster assignment is. I have other things I would rather do with my time, like kill myself. (Dramatic, I know, but I think I would rather die than complete this... I mean, I have to go through 4 years of class assignments and pick the best ones to represent each goal AND I am getting graded for this... STUPID!)

-Allergies.  So I started sneezing up a storm and my right eye started watering RIGHT when I realized my internet was broken and that I would not be able to complete the first portion of my pointless portfolio assignment at home and therefore had to return to school to complete it (impeccable timing, allergies... you get an "A" for ANNOYING!!!!!).  But first, I had to go buy allergy medication and I took it over an hour ago but it hasn't quite kicked in yet.  AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH.

-Anticipation of SPRING BREAK.  Yes, spring break is a GREAT thing!!!! But the lack of motivation in brings students to complete their work is astonishing.  I was literally about to crawl out of my skin in one of my classes today... I could not WAIT to get out of there. 

-People who can't drive.  THEY ARE EVERYWHERE TODAY.  This definitely raises my level of annoyance with today... Let's drive with our turn signal on for 2 minutes! Vroom vroom I am a minivan and I am going to get in front of you when this street turns into one lane of traffic!!!! I drive 10 mph UNDER the speed limit!!!! (not me... other people... you should read those with a mocking tone, obviously)

I figured I haven't blogged in a while, and I was motivated to share how annoyed I have been today...

Hopefully tomorrow won't be so annoying. :) A girl can dream, right?

What's Your Sign?

So I am not one to put much store in zodiac signs and horoscopes and astrology, but I SWEAR that whoever writes stuff about my sign, Libra, stalks me...

Totally random topic?  Yes.  Today, me and my roommate Karmay were looking up our zodiac signs and seeing what those people are "supposed" to be like and we both were convinced after the 5th or 6th website that we were being stalked.  SO. WEIRD.

So here are some reasons why I am 99% convinced that I am being stalked by the zodiac writers...

(As if this list of traits, likes and dislikes alone isn't convincing enough...)

Traits:

• Loves art
• Dresses up for the occasion
• Slight perfectionist
• Charitable
• Bossy at times
• Plans ahead
• Attention to detail
• Loves public service

Likes:

• Beauty
• Gifts
• Debates
• Attention
• Intellectual conversations
• Admiration
• Credit cards
• Mingling
• Subtle colors, textures
• Haute Couture

Dislikes:

• Noise
• Confusion
• Sloppiness
• Ugliness
• Dirt
• Pressured decisions
• Being rushed
• Criticism

Ummm.... Someone call the CREEPO DEPOT.

The goal for Libra is to witness the importance of co-operation and harmony in human life.

The sign of Libra is considerably socially aware; so many Libra women take interest in, and dedicated time to the issues of human rights.

The Libra woman must take caution and be aware of her tendency to put off, or avoid, that which seems uncomfortable.

The Libra woman can find it very difficult to be alone and, can often prefer to remain within an unsatisfactory relationship rather than to be in no relationship whatsoever.

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.

Yeaaaahhh...  For those of you who know me, this is kinda weird, huh??  I think so.  One of the things I always say is "why can't we all just get along?" and I am really good at reading people's emotions, especially people really close to me...

Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual, though they are usually too moderate and well balanced to be avant garde in any artistic endeavor. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!  Freakyyyyy.  The "too moderate and well balanced to be avant-garde" thing is SO TRUE! And there is MORE!!!

The negative Libran character may show frivolity, flirtatiousness and shallowness. It can be changeable and indecisive, impatient of routine, colorlessly conventional and timid, easygoing to the point of inertia, seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least; and yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage. 

Ummm... Easy going to the point of inertia: "I don't care where we go to get dinner..."

I always say that my apathy is my biggest enemy.  

Always fashionably-dressed, she favors an eclectic look, mixing designer things with antique pieces. The final effect is smart and sexy, never dowdy.

The most persistent of all physical traits of Libra zodiac sign is the presence of dimples either on the face or on the knee of a Libran woman and man. If its on the face, then most often it's placed on the chin. (Um.... Hi... I have a dimple on my chin)

Lucky colors for the Libran are pink, green and purple. (My room in TN is pink and green.... those have been my "colors" according to my mom since I was a little girl.  And I love purple.)

Libra is most associated with balance and empathy. (One of the words I most use to describe myself is empathic.) 

Oh, and apparently health concerns for Libras: the lumbar region and kidneys.  My lower back hurts often and I had kidney problems as a child and I have had kidney infections and I can feel my kidneys working sometimes........  seriously....... 

Anyway, like I said I don't read too much into this crap... but I feel like they are describing me perfectly and it FREAKS ME OUT!!! 

I read somewhere else that Libras have so much love to give and want so badly for someone to give that love to... I just told my sister that basically verbatim two weeks ago.  True story.  And apparently the ruling planet is Venus, which is "love." Just thought I would share with the blog world what is on my mind... interesting stuff!! 

WhiteChristmas.

There is snow on the ground in Nashville on CHRISTMAS.  It started snowing at about 10pm Christmas Eve.  There is now about an inch of snow on the ground (which really isn't a lot) but it is enough to make me feel like a little girl again.  I thought that I had lost the excitement of Christmas because the past few Christmases have been missing siblings, which makes it feel less like Christmas. This year, all my sisters are home AND it is snowing!  I don't need any presents.  I am a happy girl.

When I was little, I used to pray for and wish for a white Christmas.  Even if I knew that the temperature was going to be well above freezing, I would still look out my window the second I got up Christmas morning just to make sure that it didn't magically snow and make my dreams come true.

I know this post may sound super-hokey and dumb, but I am 23 years old and I have never experienced a white Christmas and this is really exciting to me.  If only this had happened when I was 7... I would have been beside myself.  Christmas is supposed to be snowy, and it never has been for me, so this a big deal, and therefore it is something to blog about.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Negative Nancy.

So, in light of recent events, I have decided to make a Negative Nancy post because I need to vent all this negativity inside me.  And hopefully this will be cathartic and make me feel better... I will let you know at the end of my post.  So let's keep our fingers crossed.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, in no particular order, here are the things that really ruffle my feathers. (Yes, I just said ruffle my feathers. This is a judgment free zone.  Stop judging.  I mean  it.)

-Utah Drivers (Lack of turn signal use, unChrist-like merging practices, driving terribly in snow, turning left when your light is clearly RED...)

-Bratty girls (self centered princesses who think about themselves and no one else)

-Attention whores.

-Teenagers.

-Rude people (is it really necessary to be rude? If you are nice, people will receive you more warmly and not be so annoyed by the fact that you simply exist)

-Boys who lead girls on/string girls along. (if you aren't looking for anything serious, don't date ANYONE unless at the very beginning you specify what you want.  If you aren't wanting to be in a relationship/aren't in a place where you can then don't act like you are looking for one.)

-Me monsters (people who talk about themselves all the time.... ME!!! ME!!!! MEEEE!!!!!!)

-Story toppers (this goes along with me monsters... no one cares if you did something cooler than me, shut up!!!)

-People who listen to only one genre of music.

-People who say bands/artists "suck" when they just do not like that band or artist. (With the exception of Nickelback... I hate them and they suck.  For all other ones, learn to respect talent unless, of course, it is Miley Cyrus...)

-People who thrive in drama. (Yes, drama is unavoidable, especially if you are a female and have many female friends.  However, how you handle said drama speaks volumes about your character.  If you add fuel to the fire then you are also a drama queen.  My life used to be full of drama and I just sever ties with those people and stop letting them in to get to know me enough to make drama...)

-Political opinions on facebook. (Is it really worth losing friends over??)

-Closed-mindedness.  (OPEN YOUR MIND! IT WON'T HURT YOU! It will just make you less ignorant.)

-IGNORANCE. (If you don't know enough facts to validly support your opinion then shut up.  It just makes you sound unintelligent.  But then again, I guess we all have the freedom to look like idiots.)

-People who are conceited. (Self confidence is one thing and it is also sexy... being full of yourself is another... and the biggest turn off ever)

There may be some amendments added to this post later when I think of more.

But I do feel a little better.

Blogging is the best form of venting ever.

-

When it rains.

One thing I have learned in my life is that when it rains...

it POURS!

Seriously.  Whenever one pretty bad thing happens, it seems like the 

universe catches drift of that and tries to one-up the first bad thing... 

Typically, these events happen in sequence,

and they hit you like... 

WHAM

 .

     BAM!        

.

BLAAAM!!!

until you don't even realize what happened.

I like to call this little gift the domino effect.

The first event is typically one that irks you, but it isn't too terrible.

The second one is worse than the first and usually 

hits you within 12-24 hours of the first one.

Then the third one happens within 1-5 hours of the second one.

And this one is the one that REALLLLLLY sucks.

And trust me, I love getting kicked when I am down.

I have learned how to gauge when such events will unfold in my life.

They typically happen when things are going swimmingly.

(And I use this term non-sarcastically,

I mean, things are going really really well)

Things seem too good to be true... 

and that is when you know that something

BAD

is about to unfold.

In all honesty I am pretty used to it by now.

I expect bad things to happen.

I am not being a pessimist, I am just telling you like it is.

So, when life hands you lemons, I say

SCREW YOU!

Merry Christmas.

BAH HUMBUG.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Other Ugly Things.

UGLY.

CHRISTMAS.

SWEATERS.

Just curious, but WHEN was it ever socially acceptable for these abhorrent eye sores to be worn?

This particular specimen takes overkill to a whole new level.  I am currently scrolling down in my browser so my poor eyes no longer have to be offended by this monstrosity.

Honestly though... these sweaters were made in ALL SERIOUSNESS.  Which means people wore them in ALL SERIOUSNESS.  Thank goodness these wastes of wool went out of style... Now each one of these sweaters ever made can be found in thriftstores or in college students' closets... or on homeless people... or the trash (WHERE THEY BELONG! ... my personal opinion).

 

Today, these sweaters are openly mocked at tacky Christmas sweater parties all over the country. And they should be! Just like the 80's is mocked in nightclubs and frat houses... And if you want to argue with me about 80's themed dances and parties mocking the decade, you will lose.  I will save that for another blog... the point I am making here is that we mock what used to be "cool." 

wait a minute...

THESE SWEATERS USED TO BE COOL?

(Vom. It.)

I am all for laughing at tacky.  Tacky things have a place in this world as long as those responsible for the tackiness acknowledge that it is, indeed, tacky. 

 THE UGLY CONTINUES!

Here are some more pathetic specimens I have found that are tacky in the bad way (you know, the way the wearer/creator is totally clueless about how heinous their outfit is).

WHAT. IS. THIS?!?!?!

Looks like you got into a fight with a kindergartner with watercolors.

Bad news.

Kindergartner won.

 

Ugly and Tacky and Gross!

Oh my.  

There is a reason that Dorothy's slippers

were the only thing that was red and sequined

and that reason is...

OVERKILL.

 

 

Looks like you ran through a line of people holding scissors

and cups of bleach and paint and then at the finish line

in your race to see who could make the ugliest jeans

there was a little old lady with a sewing machine

who just so happened to misplace her glasses so that

her sewing was a little...well... off. 

These look like GARBAGE.

(and they belong there, too)

 

 

 

 

Ok,was it necessary to kill CHEWBACCA for his feet?

Poor Chewbacca....

 

So, all of the items listed should be burned if you own them or anything similar.  Do not donate these items.  NO ONE SHOULD WEAR THEM.  I DO NOT CARE IF THEY ARE IN NEED.  NO ONE NEEDS TO WEAR THESE THINGS FOR THE GENERAL GOOD OF THE PUBLIC.  It would be more noble to burn them than donate them, because no one should have to see these things in real life.